Words of Wisdom

Please God help my speech not reek of condescension and disdain when speaking to people who believe Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist.

Note: I did watch the Saddleback Church faith forum over the weekend, but I realize that many of you might have missed the 2 hour extravaganza on Saturday. Overall it was fairly interesting and both candidates did well, but prior to the event I had something different in mind that could have happened…

TV Host: Welcome to tonight’s presidential forum on faith and politics. Tonight’s event will be hosted by Pastor Rick Warren and each of the presidential candidates will be able to give their views on a variety of issues. Here are our candidates now.

- Obama and McCain emerge from the curtain behind the stage, with Obama smiling and waving to the audience and McCain with a seemingly unnatural grin plastered across his face and moving in short, halting steps toward his podium

TV Host: Well, our presidential hopefuls have now arrived, but where is Pastor Warren? Has anyone seen him?

- Cameras walk behind the curtain and begin searching the backstage area. Each time they ask a passerby whether or not they’ve seen the pastor, they just shrug their shoulders and shake their head. Soon the cameraman reaches Warren’s dressing room. A hand reaches out from behind the camera and knocks loudly on the door.

Cameraman: Pastor Warren, are you in there? It is time for the forum to begin.

- There is no answer from behind the door, so after calling out his question a second time, the hand again appears and turns the doorknob.

Cameraman: (Gasp!) Pastor Warren!

- Laid in the floor is the tied up and unconscious form of Rick Warren. There are no signs of who might have done the deed.

TV Host: Well, what do we do now? Who will lead our faith forum?

- Suddenly, obnoxiously loud contemporary Christian music begins blaring over the speakers and the curtains behind the candidates part, revealing three figures. The spotlight suddenly swings onto the men and they raise their fists in triumph. James Dobson, Tim LaHaye, and Pat Robertson step to the third podium and take long bows. James Dobson then reaches for the microphone, slipping what looks to be a pair of brass knuckles into his jacket pocket.

Dobson: Due to Pastor Warren’s (ahem) incapacitation, we will gladly lead the forum. My first question is for Senator Barack HUSSEIN Obama. Senator, why do you hate America?

Obama: What? Of course I don’t hate America! That’s preposterous!

Dobson: Look, don’t use your big words on me, spawn of Ham. I’ll record your answer as, “Because I’m a Muslim terrorist.” Senator McCain, you will receive the same question. Does Senator Obama hate America?

- McCain’s body suddenly spasms as if it is being hit with an electric shock.

McCain (In a robotic voice): Yes.

Pat Robertson: The next question is for you again Senator Osama…hehehe…I mean, Obama. Who’s fault was 9/11? Was it the feminists, the gays, the godless liberals, or a combination of all three?

Obama (beginning to look a bit flustered): Why, none of them, of course. 9/11 was perpetrated by radical Islamic terrorists!

Robertson: Perpe? Perpe? What? You Ivy Leaguers and your elitist vocabulary! I’ll record your answer as, “I Barack HUSSEIN Obama, Muslim terrorist, am the mind behind the 9/11 attacks. Also, I am a baby-eating, homosexual, Jesus-hating liberal.”

Robertson: Now it is your turn, Senator McCain. Who is at fault for the 9/11 attacks? Is it the feminists, the homos, the godless liberals, or your opponent, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, who embodies every characteristic of evil and may actually be a demon from the bowels of hell.

- McCain’s body again jerks back as if being shocked.

McCain: Yes.

LaHaye: Senator Obama, we are fairly certain that you are not the antichrist, sent here by Satan himself to usher in the seven years of tribulation, but we are sure that you are in league with him, whoever he may be. So, answer me (LaHaye’s voice rises to a crescendo) who is he!

Obama: What? You people are insane!

LaHaye: The only thing that is insane here is how so many Americans, God’s chosen people, have allowed you to pull the wool over their eyes as to your evil plans of world domination! I’ll record your answer as, “Yes, I am a pawn of Satan and good friends with the antichrist, but I will never tell you who he is!” Senator McCain, is Barack HUSSEIN Obama in league with the antichrist?

McCain: Yessss…… (Suddenly his body crumples to floor with spasms and an extension cord can be seen running from his back into the floor)

- Paramedics run to the stage and quickly work to revive the fallen Senator while armed guards, wearing fatigues emblazoned with crosses and the words “GOP Crusader’s” roughly grab Obama and, ignoring his protests, rush him from the room. Soon, the familiar thump of McCain’s heartbeat returns to normal and they prop him back up on the podium.

Dobson: Yes, it is vitally important that we find a suitable running mate. But, who can take up the mantle and lead God’s army to victory?

- Suddenly the loud roar of a revving engine can be heard from outside the wall, almost shaking the building at its very foundation. With an explosive burst of energy a heavily armored vehicle resembling the latest incarnation of the batmobile smashes through the wall and drives onto the stage next to McCain’s podium. Huge automatic guns in the shape of crosses mounted on the sign fire a few rounds for dramatic effect as the vehicle idles loudly. The crowd, after dodging the flying debris from the now decimated wall, looks on in rapt silence, wondering who it may be.
The sound of air pressure being released suddenly filled the cavernous room and, with a whirring of gears, the top of the car shifted, then opened up. Immediately, angelic voices permeate the air at top volume from the loudspeakers and a lone person dressed in shining white arises from the cockpit – Mike Huckabee.

Dobson: Governor Huckabee, it’s a pleasure to have you with us today. Will you take the vice presidential spot? Will you accept the job of eradicating the evils of liberalism around the world?

Huckabee: I will. Now, James, about the poor…

- Suddenly Huckabee’s body is wracked with spasms as if he is being administered an electric shock similar to McCain.

Dobson: What was that you asked again, governor?

Huckabee: Nothing. Nothing at all.

So, I just finished watching tonight’s two hour presidential forum with Rick Warren taking on the role as moderator and I think it went pretty well, though there are aspects to John McCain’s way of thinking that really, really bother me. I realize that his goal in tonight’s event was to reach out to those conservative Christian voters who have held him in such loathing for so long, but his black/white right/wrong worldview leaves me terribly ill at ease. Do we really need another president who refuses to recognize the nuances of different situations? Shouldn’t being the leader of a nation take more than bullet points?

What did you think of the forum? I actually thought McCain came off much better than he was since the campaign started - I mean, he actually even looked like he wanted to be there this time around. Obama again failed to disappoint, but I’m sure that his lack of pointed answers to open-ended questions may alienate many. I especially appreciated his call to Americans to accept the fact that they may have to sacrifice for the greater good. In a consumption driven society dominated by our own material self interests, that may have been my favorite part of the night.

This evening I participated in my first fantasy football draft for the upcoming season and I have to say that I am rather pleased with my team. This was the first real “live” draft I’ve done in years, by “live” I mean one in which the participants were all physically present. Back in my college days, that was how we did it every year and, instead of using a computer service to break down the games of the week, I actually computed everything out by hand….ahhh…those were the days.

This league’s scoring system seems to be somewhat heavy in the direction of receivers, with each reception=1 point in addition to touchdown points, so my pics reflected that as well. So, here is my team for the upcoming fantasy football season:

QB: Matt Hasselbeck, Sea
RB: Joseph Addai, Ind
RB: Darren McFadden, Oak
WR: Braylon Edwards, Cle
WR: Andre Johnson, Hou
WR: Santonio Holmes, Pit
TE: Owen Daniels, Hou
K: Phil Dawson, Cle
Def: Baltimore Ravens

Reserves:
QB David Garrard, Jax
RB: Julius Jones, Sea
RB: Ray Rice, Bal
WR: Bryant Johnson, SF
WR: Jerry Porter, Jax

I drew the fifth pick of the draft and was still able to pick up Addai in the first round, so I was very happy about that. If McFadden has a tough rookie season (which he probably will in Oakland), I’m confident that Julius Jones will do well as the probable feature back in Seattle. I was very happy to end up with two excellent options at QB in Hasselbeck and Garrard, either of whom will probably make a good starter. But, I am most happy with the receivers I picked up - Edwards, Johnson, and Holmes all have the potential to be among the very best in the league. In addition to them, Bryant Johnson will be playing for pass-happy offensive coordinator Mike Martz which could mean a big year for him in San Francisco.

My league will have their online draft one week from Sunday, so I still have that to look forward to as well.

Those of you who either live outside of the Memphis area or perhaps have better things to do, may not realize that this is “Elvis Week”, marking the 31st anniversary of when the King of Rock & Roll passed away here in his Memphis mansion. To commemorate this moment on Words of Wisdom, I considered posting a clip of Elvis, but that seemed just so predictable. So, instead of showing a old clip of him, I decided to post a clip of one of my favorite Elvis covers, one that I had the opportunity to witness performed live in Memphis back in 2000 or so - Pearl Jam, “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You.” While this video doesn’t have the actual performance, it does have the great audio. Check it out.

Yep, it’s that time of year again and I will once again be offering a fantasy football league to those of you out there in blog land. I’ve already committed to two other leagues, but I can’t let a year go by without hosting one.

So, if you are willing to match wits with me this year, let me know by either emailing me or commenting below. I’ll set the league up once we have enough players.

Man, it’s just one meeting after another and report after report that needs to be compiled….maybe I can post later this evening…

Being both a numbers nerd and a football fan, fantasy football has been an attention holder of mine for the past ten years or so. I am one of those strange sorts of persons who enjoys looking at page after page of statistical calculations and who actually uses some of the math that they sat through during their school years.
For the past two years, at no charge whatsoever, I have also been giving my own fantasy picks for the various positions utilized in a league of that sort. Over the past few weeks, we’ve looked at the quarterback, running back, wide receiver, and tight end positions. Our final stop will be with team defenses.

10. Indianapolis – Once not known for their defensive prowess, the Colts have made great strides in the last few years to become one of the better units in the league, while fielding a squad with only one player over the age of 30. While their rush defense is only middle-of-the-road at best, their pass defense, led by Pro Bowl safeties Bob Sanders and Antoine Bethea, is incredible, holding opponents to only 172.8 yds/game in 2007. Their 41 forced turnovers ranked second last season and the scant 16.4 points allowed per game was the best in the NFL.

9. Pittsburgh – The Steelers defense was like a brick wall, only allowing 16.8 points/game and 266.4 yards/game in 2008, Though the unit is aging, with 5 out of 11 players over 30, having five former Pro Bowlers should help them to stay among the better crews in the league.

8. Seattle – The Seahawks may be just average when it comes to the number of offensive yards allowed, but their number 3 ranking in forced turnovers and number 4 in sacks push them well up the fantasy charts. Defensive end Patrick Kerney, last season’s NFC Defensive Player of the Year, returns to again anchor the line and, with three other Pro Bowl players scattered around the unit, the Seahawks look to again be a defensive force in an offense-minded division.

7. Chicago – There’s no way around it, the Bears stunk in 2007. Even their normally tough defense struggled, dropping from their elite status to just another also-ran. Now the big question is Chi-town is whether or not they can turn it around. The lineup is replete with former Pro Bowlers – DT Tommie Harris, DE Adeqale Ogunleye, LBs Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher, and CB Nathan Vasher – so the pressure will be on them to lift this team to its former glory.

6. New York Giants – The Super Bowl Champion Giants put together another tough front on the defensive side in 2007, allowing only 97.7 rushing yards per game and recording a league-leading 53 sacks. But, future Hall-of-Famer Michael Strahan is gone, leaving a hole on the formidable line. There is little reason to feel sorry for New York, though, for they still return Pro Bowlers DE Osi Umenyiora and LB Antonio Pierce to lead another good squad in what should prove to be a tough division.

5. Green Bay – While Brett Favre received most of the accolades in the great white American north, the Packer defense deserves a lot of the kudos for the team’s success in 2007. With two great Pro Bowl DEs bookending the line (Aaron Kampman and Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila) the Pack shut down opposing offenses to the tune of only 18.2 points per game. With a new QB leading the offense, the defense may be looked to in Packer country even more this season and they should be able to respond accordingly.

4. Dallas – It hasn’t been that long ago since the Cowboys had one of the most dominant defenses in the league and, with a unit absolutely loaded with top-end players, they may be ready to again ascend the throne of king of defense. Pro Bowlers Demarcus Ware, Greg Ellis, and Zach Thomas constitute a formidable linebacking corp. The Cowboy secondary is crammed full of extraordinary talent, boasting three more Pro Bowl players – CB Terrence Newman, SS Roy Williams, and (former Razorback) FS Ken Hamlin. This is a team bound to venture deep in the playoffs.

3. New England – Once again Belichick has put together another stellar defensive crew that should run roughshod over most opponents. Though many of the top players are aging (5 out of 11 starters are over 30 and 2 are over 35), this unit is talented enough to again put up the proverbial wall against any opposing offense. The lineup, with players like Mike Vrabel, Richard Seymour, and Tedy Bruschi, reads like a Who’s Who among NFL players. And, they continue to reload with first round draft pick LB Jerrod Mayo.

2. Minnesota – In 2007, the Vikings absolutely crushed opponents who attempted to run against them, allowing a league-leading 74.1 yards per game. Their front four is the best in the business, with three Pro Bowlers leading the way – DE Jared Allen, and DTs Kevin Williams and Pat Williams. Though their pass defense may leave something to be desired, their overwhelming powerful line makes them one of the best around.

1. San Diego – Not only did the Chargers rank in the top five in terms of points allowed per game in 2007 (17.8), they also did in sacks (42), and they led the league in forced turnovers (48), all the among the most important defensive fantasy statistics. Pro Bowl players like DT Jamal Williams, LB Shawne Merriman, CB Antonio Cromartie should assure fans that they will again rank near or at the top again in 2008.

I think it is safe to say that our community garden project has been a resounding success over the summer. We’ve been afforded the opportunity to assist our neighbors in this time of exorbitant food prices, we’ve been able to meet and work alongside several people in our area, and we’ve been able to participate in an activity together, as a church, to foster teamwork while positively affecting our neighborhood. Besides the few fliers I put together and placed in the local libraries and the sign in front of our building, we have done little advertising, yet we have still enjoyed the company of a multitude of people.

And word spreads quickly in a city the size of Memphis.

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a young man named Ryan who works with Memphis Urban Ministry – a great organization that does fantastic work in the way of community development in some of the poorest areas of the city. He had heard about our garden project, googled it (how else do you find things out nowadays?), and came across my little ol’ blog floating about the crowded reaches of cyberspace. Two weeks ago we discussed garden ideas over lunch and then on Saturday I met up with him at the Downtown Church of Christ in Memphis to look at a possible spot for an urban garden.

Ryan has big ideas regarding community gardens in the city, many of which mirror my own, and we both see this as a huge opportunity to serve the people of Memphis. On Saturday he also asked me to join their efforts in MUM as the representative of the Holmes Road congregation and, after discussing it at some length with our church elders and ministers last night, they concurred wholeheartedly. So now the real work begins and I couldn’t be more excited.

Okay, let me get this straight about the current conflict in Georgia (not the state)

- South Ossetia and Abkhazia are territories within Georgia who proclaimed their independence years ago, but have yet to be recognized by the UN.

- August 7: Georgia claimed that South Ossetian separatists attacked Georgian villages, which South Ossetia denies.

- Georgia retaliates with an offensive to surround and capture the South Ossetian captial, Tskhinvali. South Ossetian officials claim that the Georgian military attacked first.

- August 8: Russia sends troops against Georgia and begins launching airstrikes against them.

- Both sides accuse the other of commiting genocide. Thousands (mostly civilians) may have already been killed on both sides.

- August 9 - Now: Russia continues to pummel Georgia and advance its forces into the country.

- August 10 - Russia rejects Georgia’s call for a cease-fire

Meanwhile, in the US:
Both John McCain and Barack Obama have condemned the actions of Russian and called for an immediate withdrawal and cease-fire. Obama has called for direct talks involving officials from both sides. McCain took his statement a step further, proclaiming that Russia would face “severe consequences” if they did not immediately withdraw.